We all face challenging times in our lives, but it’s how we respond to them and ‘bounce back’ that makes all the difference…
The good news? You can learn to become more resilient in a number of ways, from accepting what you can and can’t control and putting yourself first through to embracing change and learning from your mistakes.
We sat down with Hayat Berkaoui, a certified neuro-linguistic programming (NLP) coach and hypnotherapist to ask her expert advice on overcoming the below common obstacles…
Obstacle 1: Rejection
“Adopt a mindset of ‘next time will be better.’ Every time something goes wrong, have the embedded belief that the next person that comes along is better suited to you, or your next job will bring you a lot more career satisfaction.
Practise believing that you’re not a victim of a situation. You’re opening a door to allow something better to come your way. You’ll notice this is completely different to the ‘poor me’ mindset!”
Obstacle 2: Self Confidence
“Try changing your inner voice through mantras and affirmations. You can’t re-write your past, but you can write your future.
Focus on the present and trust that you’ve learned valuable lessons from past experiences.
Make your goals really visible – write them down on a vision board (and hang it somewhere you’ll look at it every day!). It’s also a good idea to keep a gratitude journal. Every morning when you wake up, write down a few things you’re grateful for. It only takes five minutes, but by doing so you’re tuning into your positive mindset.”
Obstacle 3: The Passing Of A Loved One
“Western cultures are yet to learn how to cope with death. We see death as the final goodbye, so when it comes around, we often don’t know how to talk about it or deal with it.
Having lost my stepfather at an early age, I realised how fragile life is and how important it is for us to enjoy life while we have it. There’s always going to be grief, and we’re always going to miss that person, but remember it’s important to celebrate their life! Have a laugh at your beautiful memories filled with joy and gratitude.
Directing all of our energy into grief is normal for a while, that’s how we cope, but there comes a time when we need to let go of the hurt that’s no longer serving its purpose.
If you’re going through something like this, it’s important to be open to friends and family. Whether that’s asking for some space or a hot meal, try to be open about communicating what you need from those around you.
If you’re supporting someone with a loss, don’t forget to stop checking in. You can’t put a time on when someone ‘moves on,’ so don’t be afraid to ask how they’re doing. The person you’re supporting will know you’re asking because you care.”
Obstacle 4: Depression
“Everyone is different and there’s no one-size-fits-all approach to overcoming depression.
Put yourself first by eating healthy, exercising and being open to new things.
Try reiki, try acupuncture, try a self-development weekend, try joining a sports club, try NLP and hypnotherapy. What do you have to lose? Keep trying until you find something that feels good.
Supporting someone else with depression? Firstly, don’t try and undermine it. When someone feels that way, they feel that way for a reason. We need to acknowledge their deeper pain. Saying ‘don’t you know how beautiful you are’ or ‘it’s such a beautiful day, you should go out and have fun’ isn’t going to help, as the person isn’t likely to take these messages in.
Instead, try asking them how you can best support them. If they’re ready, you can help with practical advice. Whether it’s giving them a copy of Ora magazine, the phone number for an amazing counsellor, or asking if they’d like to go for a bush walk, finding something that resonates with them is a great place to start. Sometimes it’s just about lending an ear.
One of the challenges we face as holistic practitioners is reaching the people who are in need of personal healing and could benefit from our help. A lot of us (myself included) offer free consultations, so feel free to get in touch!”